In one of my entries, someone made a comment in a form of a question which I believe many people would ask but only few would have the courage to do it honestly without prejudice. I find his question worth a space here and I like to answer him with some acquired wit and wisdom I got from the School of Life.
His comment says, “Well, I’m not speaking about persecution or discrimination. I just want to fathom why people love the same sex. (why are there gays and lesbians?) Basically, I’m asking this question because I’m not one. Probably when I’m one I could give the best answer there is. This is the point of respect. Anyways, I still want the answer if you can give me one. Thanks.”
Dahlin, I like the sheer innocence of your query. It sounds like a Ms. Gay Universe Beauty Pageant — final interview question. Thanks, by the way, for making me feel as one of the top three finalists for the prestigious crown.
I remember a question on a Ms. Universe Beauty Pageant which said, “What is the question that you have never been asked and what is the answer?” I am certain your question is the question that have never been asked to me, but, I’m not certain of the answers. My liberal academic heydays did not prepare me for that and some of my professors might not allow me to delve on issues like this as they were ones of the legions of black-veiled followers of the Immaculate Conception in their local parish.
I’m not really a damn shrink who could tell everyone about how the factors of genes, environment, beliefs, social mores and thinking affect us, people, as we grow up in this painfully- slow-sexually-liberating and topsy-turvy world.
Yes, you’re right that straight people like you (and those who claim that they are) always wonder and cannot find the best answer why there are so called “faggot”, “queer” (and the labeling continues).
To be brutally honest with you, all I could say is: there is no best answer to your question as there is no best answer why God made you straight. Is there really such thing as a straight person? If there is such, then, I could say, too, that I am straight—straight gay, you know.
For all I know and believe, there’s none. I would rather believe on the article I read that each one of us has his own “homosexual tendencies.” But, in our case, it’s obvious enough that we made such tendency conspicuous to the being that we are.
Take it straight from me, dahlin, that our case is not a product of chance nor of choice. Why not a choice? Simply because we don’t choose to be gay—but we choose to spend a kind of life that we are: gays. Why not a chance? Is being straight a chance? I can almost hear you say, “Definitely not.”
I could not really fathom the immeasurable depth of my existence, dear! Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory could not give me the best answer you’re asking. (By the way,was Freud gay?)
The gayness in us is just natural and that suits us fine and happy.
It’s gayness that brought us out the uniqueness of our personality.
It’s gayness that made us strong to the sharp criticisms and below-the-belt humiliations that stripped us from the right to be happy.
It’s gayness that made us feel the sweet nectars of love, the summers of romance, and lessons of heartaches. It’s gayness that taught us how to deal the tricks of fate.
It’s gayness that civilized us to be tolerant and respect other beings.
It’s gayness that encouraged us to show our creativity and talents for the society to consume.
It’s gayness that prepared us to fight for our own battles and to win our own struggles.
It’s gayness that opened us to the world of beauty, fashion, politics, entertainment, prostitution, corruption, penises, cums, dangers, evil, survival, etc…
But most of all, it’s gayness that skilled us to be the best that we could be.
I swear to God, Allah, Buddha and Jehovah, dahlin, that I don’t know why there are gays. Your question will remain like that as I still wonder the wisdom of my own individuality.
I don’t intend to know for it’s part of the mystery of my uniqueness. I hate to tell you the long history of our gay struggles as I still search the utopian abode where I can finally rest and say, “This is where I belong.”
I don’t want to give you the litany of our hopes and aspirations as I still search for a ray of sunrise in a dark sky. Telling you of our endless pleas for equal rights and tolerance to everyone is not necessary as everyone gets a brain to think and a heart to sympathize.
It’s just so sad that some are not using them to make this world a better place to live. But, this doesn’t mean that I am confused of my sexuality.
No one defines me. I define my own sexuality as everyone define his or hers.
Like straight men and women, we, gays can also be what Lord Byron said, “bad, mad and dangerous to know.”
I still have many things to share with you about us—that is—if you really want to take a glimpse of our personal lives. But, that’s another story and it would take past chapters to be reopened. It’s enough that you know little — for more could lead you to more questions and confusions.
It only takes a heart and an understanding mind to know that we are not really different under the same sky.
Sexuality is never an issue in my community but prejudice is.
The blind Helen Keller didn’t know what love is like until her devoted teacher, Anne Sullivan, told her about the sun, sky, flowers, rain, water and butterflies. No one told her to weave the words, “The most beautiful thing in this world is cannot be seen nor heard. It is always felt by the heart.”
No one told us to be gay.
You should listen to Rene Descartes, “I think, therefore I am.”
(I was cleaning my computer from unnecessary files when I stumbled into this blog entry which I wrote when I was still very naive and started to discover the wonderful world of blogging—some many years ago. I think it’s worth re-posting.)
作家：Alain http://alainsojourner.typepad.com
Courtesy of Alain http://alainsojourner.typepad.com
